taknak t a h u

kira-kira sepuluh minit jugak aku tenung skrin ni, berpinar mata.

pejam celik dah setahun kerja. aint it crazy? aku rasa macam baru lagi and masih terpinga bila bos tanya soalan. tapi ayat yang keluar dari mulut lebih lancar dari dulu. damn, i know shit. and it gives me this apprehension for knowing. like a catapult flinging me from one information to another.

kalau boleh, boleh tak aku tak nak tahu? lagi aku tau lagi berat kepala nak fikir nak jawab soalan. maaflah aku takde rasa nak tercenggang bila buat salah. mungkin sebab aku tak boleh nak kisah pasal your dollars when i should be looking for mine. after all, i'm only counting yours. who gives a shyt about counting, leave that job to the bank!

i roll around in bed on sundays thinking am i gonna make it?--then i stop myself short before i go to the finance issues--continue rolling around, more aggresively. to shake the thoughts away. perasaan mual dan kepala yang berputar macam lampu disko later, aku bangun and tengok diri dalam cermin bilik air--am i gonna make it??--which will lead me to brushing my teeth in purbakala-like motion while singing loudly at the same time.

most of the times i just fast forward to the image of me swimming in a mountain of cash though.

when i imagine this, i smile secretly like nenek creepy makan budak and gosok my hands together. heh heh heh..