tribute, regret, dreams.

i had a bestfriend way back in primary school. i think that was the last time i had one. wasn't nice being an outsider in a new school, especially if you feel like it's somewhat a downgrade from the last school in subang. fitting in wasn't easy even for a standard 3 kid, believe me. my memory of first year in my new school was filled with being bullied most of the time. i dont blame them, in fact i would've bullied myself if i was my classmate. spineless, scrawny, easy-target. that's like bottom of the food-chain for them. i'm not even an appetizer. i'm like those peanuts you dont even realize you're eating while watching tv.

so in standard four i basically had no idea who my classmates were, no history of fights or games of hop-scotch, no canteen buddies bond. primarily due to my transfer from basically a stupid class i was randomly thrown into and eventually i got to leave because i was smarter than they thought :B

first day of standard four already felt like an upgrade. the air clearer, the students in places for once, brighter classroom and i was sitting amongst the intellectuals yo! that is the ultimate. but as usual i sat by myself while everybody stared at me questioningly wondering if i got the wrong class. got some news kiddies, i'm in this intellectual thing too now! bwahahaha! well wasn't really thinking that, was actually doodling.

and in she came, late.

not looking at me or saying anything, she sat next to me.
5 minutes later she was playing lawan pemadam with herself.
10 minutes later i challenged her.
3 months later we found out we were both nuts in the head.
6 months later we caused uncountable pranks on uncountable victims.
1 year later we kept on riding our bikes like the world was ours.
inseparable, inseparable, inseparable.
but 2 years later we did.
stopped being inseparable..

i wish i could turn back time, not to change anything but to see it clearly again and rid of all these holes in my memory. what made it so special. i wish i could still be in touch with her, be crazy out of the mind with seriously stupid jokes.. these days i'll have to come terms with it probably wont ever happening. but not today. today i wish i'm at her room jumping on her bed and sharing thoughts til dreams take over, the way we used to.

children always see the little things.
it's hard to do so when you're this age.
fed with the idea of ideal career, ideal pay, ideal partner,
ideal car, ideal friends, ideal interests, ideal standards,
how can you cherish the little things?
when you're taught to always believe more is good,
to chase after never-ending wants til death succumbs..

kids they're okay with just the needs.
i want to be a kid.

want to believe the world is mine again.