Nobody knows what to do or say. But its ok.

if it was up to me, i'd tell these people to get out from my house.
but that's just purely following the heart. my only excuse is that in order for them to get into this house and say whatever they have to say as a condolence, i first have to accept the truth and reality. which still feels like a hammer hammering hammering pounding pounding away on my head. my heart it tears up everytime somebody tries their hardest to console.

i say to them, it is alright. nobody knows what to say and even i wont know what to say back.
mostly its just a nod or two and a smile to console the other person back, you know, for trying.

few days after he passed away i dreamt of him. he was at the door of our house, looking straight on his face was clear. vanishing into a light, circling the house full speed until he reaches the master bedroom. mama, lukman and i, we were sleeping side by side on the bed. and this light went straight into the room stopped right next to me.

i woke up from the dream, sat up straight and i heard the azan for Subuh.