one, two.

i do.

but i cant help feeling like it's a sign.


i feel like running into the forest and lying down under a huge tree, with the leaves falling down so slowly. one, two slipping down my face. because all i am good at are those two: running and sleeping. if one of which can save my life i would probably be able to beat the cat with 9 lives.

i'll give it to you, i'm fucking exhausted. and i'm not even halfway through. she left, you know. she packed her bags and she's never coming back. i told her she's gotta right? cos she knows she just gotta. she wouldn't. said it right to my face what's the point? told me straight up i haven't got a chance in the world. she hasn't got a clue herself so why bother.

you can't say anything to that. but you can try going with the overrated desperate attempt. like, no that's not true! we've got plenty of chances what are the odds of not getting one? either way she doesn't know the odds but she's saying like she does so how unfair is that? so you roll on the ground like a 5 year old saying you can't make it without your conscience, how does anyone? so unfair, it's my right and she just decided to leave, didnt even get a 24 hour notice. i mean who does that?? no no no no. i told her she doesn't care about me with tears filling up my eyes.

with this she turned to face me and a sailing smoke passed right through.
she gazed at me so blankly, tilted she felt almost hollow.
her hand on my wet cheek cold like the mountains.
and she said these words i will remember forever,


she said,


"my child, my dear poor child..."


her eyes.
and she was gone.